Friday, July 18, 2014

Natural Foods Advocate "Food Babe" Dead After Consuming Ironically All-Natural α-Amanitin-Containing Mushrooms

Charlotte, NC


Natural foods "activist" and health "educator" Vani Hari was found dead in her Charlotte, NC home eight days after reportedly consuming a crop of organically grown mushrooms from her garden.  Postmortem toxicology screening -- an actual chemical procedure employing legitimate analytical techniques and real scientists -- showed that Ms. Hari had ingested lethal levels of α-amanitin, a potent amatoxin, naturally occurring in several species of mushroom endemic to North America.

In a recent post to her blog, Hari suggested to her readers that growing an organic garden, free of "nasty chemicals" was an effective means to avoid the "dangerous pesticides" purportedly found in store-bought produce, as well the "unnatural genetically modified garbage" which apparently litters the aisles of American grocery stores.

When numerous concerned readers commented that attempting to plant and harvest potentially dangerous mushrooms without the benefit of any relevant experience whatsoever was irresponsible, the self proclaimed "Food Babe" responded dismissively, "Anything grown in my garden is entirely free of toxins, chemicals, and is completely natural."

Hari, whom who has no formal education in, nor apparent understanding of, toxicology, chemistry, or nutritional science, proceeded to post an image to her blog of a fresh "chemical free" mushroom risotto she had prepared from the caps of her home-grown Amanita bisporigera.

Presently, all 659,997 Facebook members who have "liked" her page have been rushed to their respective local hospitals' internal medicine departments after exhibiting symptoms of acute liver failure.


  1. love the new blog. keep up the good work! You should solicit outside contributions (via Derek Lowe's blog?). I think you could really increase content and readership.

  2. I am bothered by this woman's name. Whenever I read it, my mind substitutes "Harihara" in place of "Vani Hari" and I think "Hey, if Shiva and Vishnu are both advocating something, then maybe it's worth paying some attention".

    Then I read what she really has to say and my dreams are crushed.

    1. Normally we just move both the i's one space left for an accurate description of her...

  3. Grammatical Edit: "Hari, WHO...." not "whom"

  4. You sir, win the internet.

  5. Pretty good satire; surprised at the bad grammar. (Don't use "whom" unless you know how to use it.)

  6. if only this wan't satire

  7. It just makes me think of Mata Hari...

  8. "Hari, whom has no formal education in, nor apparent understanding of, toxicology, chemistry, or nutritional science..."

    There's a typo, it should read "Hari, WHO has no formal education..."

  9. It would be nice if the author learned the proper usage of the pronoun "whom".

  10. Vani Hari would never eat Amanita bisporigera, since it violates her rule: never eat anything an eight-year-old can't pronounce. Oh, wait... my bad, she would just call them "shrooms."

  11. "whom" is the GMO version of "who" and should be corrected immediately. That "m" is a scary byproduct of chemo-toxin-genetic manipulation.