Citing unprecedented snowfall and rapidly deteriorating transportation infrastructure in the Boston area, scientists across the northeast technology hub are already calling the entire month of February a "complete and total fucking waste of time."
Early Monday morning, researchers spanning the breadth of the greater Boston Metropolitan area released a joint statement declaring that "absolutely nothing of any consequence has gotten done, nor is likely to occur, in the entire month of February."
"Storm after goddamn storm" stated Waltham resident Michelle Davies, a post-doctoral researcher at Boston's Brigham and Women's Hospital. "Three consecutive Monday's we've had closures at the the lab. The whole MBTA is even shut down today. I can't remember the last time that happened."
"It took me two and a half hours to drive into work yesterday, so I'm not even bothering today."
"There's snow banks 4 feet high in the middle of my street" commented Cambridge resident and Massachusetts Institute of Technology graduate student John Williams. "It's like they just said 'fuck it' with plowing everything. I haven't been able to reliably plan a single experiment in almost three weeks," added Williams with visible frustration.
"They said we're supposed to 'work from home if possible.' Like what? I'm supposed to just jury rig a fume hood in my garage? Maybe cobble together an LC-MS from duct-tape and a toaster? Christ."
When reached for comment, Boston Mayor Marty Walsh suggested all residents of eastern Massachusetts "chill the fuck out and make some snowmen or some shit."