Cheap, Ubiquitous Carbon Capture

As told to See Arr Oh, who blogs at Just Like Cooking

Billings, MN

Want to reduce environmental carbon dioxide? Forget MOFs, and suspend your underground injection plans. Turns out there's a cheap, easy way to "fix" atmospheric CO2 into value-added products like sugars and building materials. 

"I was shocked, actually, to hear about biological carbon capture," exclaimed George Switchgrass of the NSF's Fuel Research Division. "You get so many benefits, and the reaction conditions - air, water, sunlight, room temperature - are amenable to just about any location." 

Climatologist and landscaper June Birch mentioned in a press release that "...these units are cheap, widely available, and come in all shapes and sizes - perfect for home lawns or your office break area."

Biochemist Wallace Poinsettia remarked "I've had a $2 million grant for the past four years to try and crack this problem, and some little leafy thing in the parking lot is kicking my butt."

Study: Zucchini Market In Flux Due To Increasing Zucchini Stockpile

Washington, DC

The United States Department of Agriculture released a study today commenting on the market flux of zucchini and zucchini related recipes and products.

"Many have long argued that the agricultural market in the United States has been bogged down by under-production of zucchini.  However, our most recent analysis of the current market conditions points to an excess in zucchini supply, coupled with falling demand for domestically grown summer squashes in general, as the real culprits," stated study author Francis Ericsson, PhD.

The report goes on to state that chief among those touting the purported zucchini shortage is the zucchini bread lobby, whose employers pump hundreds of millions of dollars into perpetuating unsupported ideas about the state of the zucchini market.

The study also notes that the federal government, through various tax rebate programs and even direct funding, effectively subsidizes the production of domestic zucchinis, and that the "idea of a supply-side shortage of American-grown zucchini is farcical."