Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Boston Area Scientists: Month of February "Total Wash"

Boston, MA

Citing unprecedented snowfall and rapidly deteriorating transportation infrastructure in the Boston area, scientists across the northeast technology hub are already calling the entire month of February a "complete and total fucking waste of time."  

Early Monday morning, researchers spanning the breadth of the greater Boston Metropolitan area released a joint statement declaring that "absolutely nothing of any consequence has gotten done, nor is likely to occur, in the entire month of February."

"Storm after goddamn storm" stated Waltham resident Michelle Davies, a post-doctoral researcher at Boston's Brigham and Women's Hospital.  "Three consecutive Monday's we've had closures at the the lab.  The whole MBTA is even shut down today.  I can't remember the last time that happened."

"It took me two and a half hours to drive into work yesterday, so I'm not even bothering today."

"There's snow banks 4 feet high in the middle of my street" commented Cambridge resident and Massachusetts Institute of Technology graduate student John Williams.  "It's like they just said 'fuck it' with plowing everything.  I haven't been able to reliably plan a single experiment in almost three weeks," added Williams with visible frustration.

"They said we're supposed to 'work from home if possible.'  Like what?  I'm supposed to just jury rig a fume hood in my garage?  Maybe cobble together an LC-MS from duct-tape and a toaster?  Christ."

When reached for comment, Boston Mayor Marty Walsh suggested all residents of eastern Massachusetts "chill the fuck out and make some snowmen or some shit."


  1. Just remember, it could be worse -- imagine being a post-doc at a school in the upper peninsula of Michigan where this kind of snowfall is a normal occurrence.

    1. MTU? So much snow

    2. This sort of fall is normal in Michigan, and as such the government is better prepared to handle it. Not remotely the same situation.

    3. Keep in mind that the roads, transportation infrastructure, and population of Boston is not comparable a college town in Michigan's UP. The fact of the matter is that Boston and much of New England is far too congested and it's not really a matter of "government preparation" or equipment. The Midwestern heckling isn't really warranted and shouldn't be compared to a situation like the city of Boston.

  2. That might actually be better because when that kind of snowfall is normal, they know how to deal with it and plow the roads properly and stuff.