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Friday, December 12, 2014

Chemistry Jobs "Plentiful" and "Well-paying" Says Area AP Chemistry Teacher

Orange, CA

El Camino High School chemistry teacher Richard Hinds has reportedly offered a series of bold-faced lies as encouragement to his Advanced Placement students preceding the start of their winter break.  Hinds' class, composed of juniors and college-bound seniors, listened attentively as the purported authority figure described post-graduate employment prospects.

Hinds, who apparently lives in the 1960's, stated, "A bachelor's in chemistry will open so many doors for you.  Unemployment is virtually non-existent, and careers in chemistry pay incredibly well!"  Witnesses indicated that Hinds failed to discuss the concept of "under-employment," and did not so much as mention the fact that upwards of 60% of chemistry graduates go on to careers not only outside chemistry, but outside science as a whole.

Sources indicated that, while Hinds' mastery of teaching techniques is sound, as evidenced by his students' pass rate of 93%, his concept of the employment landscape within the chemical sciences is fundamentally flawed.  "Starting chemists can easily make $60,000 a year," Hinds continued, citing a salary figure existent only outside the realm of reality.

Hinds went on to state that chemistry graduates would have employers "lining up" to hire them, while simultaneously neglecting to mention that a career in industrial chemistry would, with rare exception, necessitate relocation to Massachusetts, New Jersey, Texas, or northern California.

As of press time, Hinds was reading aloud an email from Melissa Ernhardt, a previous student, describing her fortune in obtaining gainful employment in her selected field after earning a BSc. in chemistry, despite her being the only member of her graduating class to do so.

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