C&EN Onion European Chemical Sciences Correspondent Fluorogrol Reports
Disillusioned medicinal chemist Thomas 'Tom' Evans today spoke candidly of the miasma of misinformation he has been forced to construct while working on a series of selective PDE5 inhibitors in search of a clinical candidate for erectile dysfunction.
"What am I meant to tell my mother?" demanded Evans, visibly angered. "I've been fobbing her off with the 'you wouldn't understand, it's very complex science' line for two-and-a-half years now. What if my father asks to try some? Nobody needs that conversation over lunch."
"I try to avoid direct, bare-faced lies, but recently I accidentally-on-purpose left some marketing fliers for [cutting-edge B-cell cancer drug] Imbruvica around my parents' house," he continued. "They completely fell for it, assuming I worked on it, although when my mother noticed that it's made by a different company I had to do some serious off-the-cuff bullshitting about a split marketing rights deal or something."
Evans revealed that the deceit has also crept into his working life: "I imagine that the compound I'm making is going to revolutionise treatment of hep C, or type 1 diabetes, or even canine pruritus. Anything. But then something always pricks the bubble. Boner drugs. Damn."
A colleague, who asked not to be named, claimed she'll ask to transfer labs if she hears Evans' moribund joke that he's 'bored stiff' of PDE5 inhibitors once more.