Washington, DC
Just days after winning a close election over G. Bryan Balazs, Allison Campbell, president-elect of the American Chemical Society, took to the podium to announce sweeping reforms to the professional organization this morning.
"After collecting the results of numerous polls and focus groups of ACS members, I am very pleased to announce significant changes to the way the American Chemical Society will be run during my tenure," began Dr. Campbell.
"We have long deliberated the issues which matter most to our members: stable employment, wage stagnation, and industrial safety, among others. After much consideration, we are taking concrete steps to address these issues. First, each ACS member will receive a commemorative key chain in addition to the traditional coffee mug on each anniversary of their ACS membership."
"I am also pleased to report that, in addition to receiving a 15% discount from Hertz car rental, ACS members will henceforth receive a similar discount at all Denny's restaurants in the 48 contiguous United States," she added.
"Finally, we are rolling out a new feature exclusive to members; SciFinder-Facebook integration. All the powerful features you are familiar with can now be shared with your friends and family across your favorite social network."
In her closing remarks, president-elect Campbell disclosed that the long-standing 25 complimentary ACS journal downloads annually allocated to each member would be replaced by a two month trial of LinkedIn Premium.
Satirical news from the world of chemistry, not affiliated with C&EN.
This is terribly funny.
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