Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Medicinal Chemist Researching Erectile Dysfunction Lies To Parents, Self

C&EN Onion European Chemical Sciences Correspondent Fluorogrol Reports

Stevenage, UK

Disillusioned medicinal chemist Thomas 'Tom' Evans today spoke candidly of the miasma of misinformation he has been forced to construct while working on a series of selective PDE5 inhibitors in search of a clinical candidate for erectile dysfunction.

"What am I meant to tell my mother?" demanded Evans, visibly angered. "I've been fobbing her off with the 'you wouldn't understand, it's very complex science' line for two-and-a-half years now. What if my father asks to try some? Nobody needs that conversation over Sunday lunch."

"I try to avoid direct, bare-faced lies, but recently I accidentally-on-purpose left some marketing fliers for [cutting-edge B-cell cancer drug] Imbruvica around my parents' house," he continued. "They completely fell for it, assuming I worked on it, although when my mother noticed that it's made by a different company I had to do some serious off-the-cuff bullshitting about a split marketing rights deal or something."

Evans revealed that the deceit has also crept into his working life: "I imagine that the compound I'm making is going to revolutionise treatment of hep C, or type 1 diabetes, or even canine pruritus. Anything. But then something always pricks the bubble. Boner drugs. Damn."

A colleague, who asked not to be named, claimed she'll ask to transfer labs if she hears Evans' moribund joke that he's 'bored stiff' of PDE5 inhibitors once more.

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