Monday, August 4, 2014

Nation's Unemployed Chemistry Graduates Take Solace In July Job Numbers

Everywhere, USA

Unemployed chemistry graduates breathed a collective sigh of relief today as the Bureau of Labor Statistics released its July Employment Situation Summary.  Taylor Baker (22), currently working on a food truck, recently received her bachelors degree in chemistry from Northeastern University.  "I'm so glad that the employment situation is looking better!" exclaimed Baker, ecstatic that unemployment in the chemical sciences at the bachelor's level fell from 4.6% to 4.2% from June to July.

"Only half of my paycheck it going to paying off my student loans.  The other half's going to rent for my Allston apartment, but at least I got approved for a $5000 line of credit!" added Baker.

James Pierce, PhD. (29), similarly expressed overwhelming relief at the present state of the job market.  "I was planning on holding off on finishing my doctorate until I had something locked down, but with these job numbers, I'll probably only be unemployed for three, maybe four months before finding a post-doc position."

"I mean, I realize that the salary numbers have been relatively stagnant for a while, but it could be worse, right?" Pierce stated of the employment situation for doctoral level chemists.  "Sure, the numbers don't count the underemployed or 'discouraged workers,' but 2.2% ain't half bad," he added.

At present time, high school junior Alex McGill was being told by his guidance counselor that pursuing a degree in chemistry in college was a "surefire" route to achieving "rapid employment" with a "great starting salary."

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